I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
