I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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