I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
