can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
