She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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