My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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