Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
