that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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