dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
