i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i've created a new STD.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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