Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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