so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
