'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
