it's like heaven, but drunker
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
