they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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