i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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