yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
