it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
