i think i recognize dicks better than faces
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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