Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
