"it" just moved
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
