Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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