I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
