Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
