he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I sprained my soul last night
being pregnant is like rehab
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
