Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We left an ass print on the piano.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
