Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
