so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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