We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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