You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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