Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
