I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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