I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize