I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
