I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Found the puke drawer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
