At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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