I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
