I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found puke in my bra..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
