he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
