he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
