I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
