does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
