The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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