I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The Olympian is in my bed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
