Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
