found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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