So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
