I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
