i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
