It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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