yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
