if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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