What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
