It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
