OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
