I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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