Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
