you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize