I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
