so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
