It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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