I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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