Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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