On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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