The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drake has all the answers
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
