cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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