it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize