im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
