just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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