its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
