Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
