just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
