okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
