why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They have beer where we have blood.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
