Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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