Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there was a trapeze. enough said
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
