this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
