My room smells like vodka and shame
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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