Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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