I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
