elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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