I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
