im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
