Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Randomize
