I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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