i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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