none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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