And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
