she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize