Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
