it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
