Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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