is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
