Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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