Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
