I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
