Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
