you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
