Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
