last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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