I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
