My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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