My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
