I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
