I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
