I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
