I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
