I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
