I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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