She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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