I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
