I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
