I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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