careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
