so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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