yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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