Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize