Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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