I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Terrible idea I love it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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