Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
