I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
