its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
