my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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