ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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