I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
