Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just invented taco cereal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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