I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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