Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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