I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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