Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
