your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
